For the record, the result of the Paddle Championship match was a no contest due to disqualification, caused by the foul deeds of Iceman and his accomplice Freezer.

The crowd was on their feet as Single J got ready to serve the first ball in his first defense of the prestigious Paddle Championship.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and Iceman and Freezer entered the arena. Seconds later, the lights then went out, making it impossible to see anything.

Many of the fans screamed in terror as they were trapped in the dark and could hear nothing but the sound of Iceman shouting with excitement and cups and cans flying everywhere.

When the lights came back on five minutes later, eye witnesses saw Single J and his opponent Fote laying unconscious on the floor. The net at center court was also in ruins. The court was littered with empty cans of Schaefer’s Quality Alcoholic Beverage as well as a large number of Solo cups with traces of fur in them, which made it obvious some sort of vicious match had taken place. Every camera had also been destroyed in the process.

It soon became clear that the Schaefer Bowl event had been held and nothing had been safe. The worst part is, no one was able to see it, well, accept for Iceman and Freezer.

Desperate to gain facts about the long-awaited match, the press grilled Iceman afterward, but he refused to speak with reporters. Instead, he simply released the following statement:

“Dude, Schaefer Bowl was an unheralded success. It completely lived up to its hype and was the most exciting drinking match to ever take place in the history of the world. I’m also extremely proud to declare that I was the winner of the match and therefore, am the first ever Schaefer Bowl Champion, and no, you can’t have my autograph.”

If possible, we’ll have more news on this story as it breaks.

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