
Iceman
and Freezer Invade Paddle Championship and Hold Schaefer Bowl
For
the record, the result of the Paddle Championship match was a no
contest due to disqualification, caused by the foul deeds of Iceman
and his accomplice Freezer.
The
crowd was on their feet as Single J got ready to serve the first
ball in his first defense of the prestigious Paddle Championship.
Suddenly,
there was a loud bang and Iceman and Freezer entered the arena.
Seconds later, the lights then went out, making it impossible to
see anything.
Many
of the fans screamed in terror as they were trapped in the dark
and could hear nothing but the sound of Iceman shouting with excitement
and cups and cans flying everywhere.
When
the lights came back on five minutes later, eye witnesses saw Single
J and his opponent Fote laying unconscious on the floor. The net
at center court was also in ruins. The court was littered with empty
cans of Schaefer’s Quality Alcoholic Beverage as well as a
large number of Solo cups with traces of fur in them, which made
it obvious some sort of vicious match had taken place. Every camera
had also been destroyed in the process.
It
soon became clear that the Schaefer Bowl event had been held and
nothing had been safe. The worst part is, no one was able to see
it, well, accept for Iceman and Freezer.
Desperate
to gain facts about the long-awaited match, the press grilled Iceman
afterward, but he refused to speak with reporters. Instead, he simply
released the following statement:
“Dude,
Schaefer Bowl was an unheralded success. It completely lived up
to its hype and was the most exciting drinking match to ever take
place in the history of the world. I’m also extremely proud
to declare that I was the winner of the match and therefore, am
the first ever Schaefer Bowl Champion, and no, you can’t have
my autograph.”
If
possible, we’ll have more news on this story as it breaks.
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