The heavily-hyped royal rumble event has come and gone and it seems only fitting that it was won by the current #1 ranked superstar.

“First I defend my World Heavyweight Championship and then I win this, I’m fucking incredible.” The Gah said.

Perhaps the real story, however, is that T-Love dominated a large portion of the rumble, but then faded away towards the end, unable to finish off The Gah.

“I’m fucking kicking myself over this one,” T-Love said angrily. “I eliminated about one third of the entire lineup and ended up being the final person eliminated. I really wish I could have the final minutes of this match back. This was my match to win and I gave it away.”

WBPF superstar Fote and a girl named Jenn would make history by luck of the draw as they were the first two competitors in the history of the royal rumble.

“Despite the inherent disadvantage, being the first one in there was awesome, man” Fote said.

The beginning of the match was plagued by a slow pace and all-around sloppy play, which some attribute to the fact that so many women were on the table at once.

“Like, oh my god, whatever, that’s totally ridiculous,” one woman said, “Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I suck, even though I did.”

Fote made history again in a bad way, when he controversially, became the first competitor to ever be eliminated from what would later be identified as illegal shots by Jenn.

“That was fuckin’ bullshit, man” Fote said.

Later on, the table would gradually fill up with some manlier and more talented players, but the girls seemed to have hit a hot streak at about the same time, as they actually eliminated some of the guys.

“I’m so embarrassed at myself,” Dr. Pepper said, “I can’t believe I was so effectively defeated by a bunch of girls.”

Thankfully, and to the delight of most of the sellout crowd, the female party would come to an abrupt end when T-Love entered the match at number 10 and eliminated the three active women in a span of under two minutes.

“I came out swinging,” T-Love said, “As everyone knows I was out to prove that the female sex is inferior at beer pong and I believe I did just that with the way I totally destroyed them in the rumble. I’m very proud of myself for that.”

These women all felt the wrath of T-Love's balls.

The order of the rumble entries, determined by drawing numbers earlier in the day, would end up working out well since four of the final five entrants were the top four ranked superstars. After T-Love finished off a man named Bam Bam, the final four superstars in the rumble would be T-Love, The Gah, Iceman, and Freezer, setting up a classic finish for the ages.

T-Love held a major advantage at that point needing three hits to be eliminated with The Gah having only one hit left, and everyone else needing two. However, he suddenly hit a major slump and would only hit one more cup for the remainder of the match.

“I couldn’t believe T-Love did not finish me off,” The Gah admitted, “or anyone else for that matter. I was dead in the water for awhile.”

The Gah, however, would eventually take advantage and turn the match around by quickly eliminating Freezer and Iceman, earning him an extra hit in the process. He then quickly hit T-Love’s cup to take the lead and put himself one hit away from winning the match.

“I was stunned when the tables turned against me so quickly,” T-Love said, “I really started to feel the pressure.”

T-Love tried in vain to get his edge back, but failed completely and was finished off about thirty seconds later by The Gah.

“That match was an absolute classic, and I won it” The Gah said, “My legacy grows yet again.”

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