| 2/28/07-Schaefer
Bowl is America’s #1 Issue
What
originally began as a joke has quickly grown into the most
talked about issue in the country. Ever since Iceman introduced
the idea, citizens from all walks of life have repeatedly
been asking about the Schaefer Bowl.
What
exactly is the Schaefer Bowl? How is it played? Will playing
it make me look cool in front of my skank girlfriend?
WorldBeerPongFederation.com
took it upon itself to get some answers.
First,
for your convenience, we summarized all known information
and all highly speculated rumors.
Known
Information:
*The
Schaefer Bowl will involve Schaefer’s Quality Alcoholic
Beverage.
*The Schaefer Bowl is the brain child of WBPF Superstar Iceman.
Popular
Rumors:
*The
Schaefer Bowl is not a pong-per-view, rather a separate championship
with its own game.
*The Schaefer Bowl may involve paddles
*The Schaefer Bowl may require earning a disqualification
to win
*The Schaefer Bowl may be a full-contact sport to be played
outdoors
Unfortunately,
Iceman has remained tight-lipped about The Schaefer Bowl,
refusing to disclose any details since announcing its existence
and insisting that it was the greatest thing in the history
of anything, ever.
“The
Schaefer Bowl will be beyond amazing,” Iceman said,
“but I can only reveal it when the time is right.”
When
asked when the right time would be, Iceman said that he did
not know for sure, but that hopefully it would be soon.
It
had been speculated that Freezer, a frequent partner of Iceman’s
in WBPF competition, may know some details concerning the
Schaefer Bowl so we asked him if he could tell us what this
thing was.”
“Well,
it’s not quite a Schaefer and not quite a bowl, but
man, is it awesome,” said Freezer before gloating over
the fact that he was the one of two people on the entire planet
who knew what the Schaefer Bowl is.
Having
failed to find out what the Schaefer Bowl is, we took to the
streets to see what some members of the general public had
to say about it. We asked them the simple, open-ended question,
what do you think of the Schaefer Bowl?
Bob
Dillman, age 42, Roofer:
“I
just hope it really is as amazing as Iceman keeps saying it
is. Maybe the Schaefer Bowl can bring some excitement into
my otherwise empty existence.
Jennifer
Sparrows, 24, Bartender:
“I
don’t care what it is. As long as the Iceman oils himself
up for it, I’m game.”
Harold
Cornwall, 47, Scoutmaster:
“I
don’t really care. As long as it involves an oiled-up
Iceman, I’m game.”
Baron
Hendrickson, 32, Financial Consultant:
“The
inevitable glory of Iceman’s Schaefer Bowl will likely
make me feel even more inadequate about all of my many, many
shortcomings.”
Iceman,
your public is waiting. The ball is in your court now. |
