WBPF
Arena Holds its Final Event - 6/14/2009
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The
front of the legendary building with its legendary sign. |
When the history book of drinking games is written (and what
a book that would be), June 13th, 2009 will undoubtedly go
down as the saddest day of all-time. It will be remembered
in infamy as the day that the legendary WBPF Arena held its
final show and then closed its doors forever.
For now, however,
it served as the one last hurrah for all WBPF personnel to
get together, get drunk, and have the time of their lives
in the building that made them legends and got them drunk
so very often.
“It's truly
a bittersweet moment” said longtime superstar The GAH!,
“On one hand, this is the last time I'll ever play in
the arena where I won so many games and championships. But
on the other hand, I've got a great buzz going right now.”
Some used historical
comparisons to try and make sense of the emotional moment.
“It's like
when the original Yankee Stadium closed or when Johnny Carson
hosted his final Tonight Show,” stated Tank,
“only this is worse because it's something we actually
care about.”
In the end, however,
it was optimism that ruled the day.
“I don't
look at today as a day of mourning,” T-Love stated,
“rather, this is a day to celebrate the great life and
legacy of WBPF Arena.”
And what a legacy
it has been. Originally built sometime in the late 19th Century,
WBPF Arena originally served as lower-middle-class housing
for families of local factory workers. However, the building
didn't really hit its stride until 2005 when it became the
headquarters for the World Beer Pong Federation. Since then,
the facility has played host to literally thousands of drinking
games and millions of priceless memories (of which, we only
remember about 50).
“You guys
can always come over and drink at my place,” Fat Shit
reminded everybody.
“Nah, we're
not going to be doing that,” everyone responded.
The playing surface
of WBPF Arena has been renovated numerous times over the years
in order to either repair damage or prepare for a new Pong-Per-View.
Playing surfaces have included:
* A closet door
* A unmarked piece of plywood
* GAH! Dome
* GAH! Gardens
* The Great American Beer Bash
* Intoxicade
* GAH! Dome 2
* King of the Table
* Clash of the Crunked
* Summer Sloshed
As for the final
event itself, it was exactly what one would expect from a
WBPF Party, a long night of friendly, alcohol-filled fun and
mayhem.
Although many
a drinking game were played that night, only two matches were
documented, each with a special significance. These matches
would also be the very first and very last matches of the
night, respectively.
First up, it was
the final WBPF Title match to ever take place at WBPF Arena.
It would be a match between T-Love and The GAH! for the prestigious
Paddle Championship, with GAH! as the defending champion.
“Everyone
knows that the quintessential rivalry match-up of the WBPF
is GAH! vs. T-Love” noted Freezer. “Every GAH!
vs. T-Love match follows the same basic format of each competitor
trying to dictate the game with their particular style of
play. While GAH! is more of a power drinker and clutch shot
player, T-Love is more of a speed and quiet finesse player.
Whichever player is better able to establish their style of
play is usually the one who wins. It's this complete clash
of styles that makes all of their matches instant classics.”
Added fellow longtime
Superstar Iceman, “Seeing them both square off in WBPF
Arena one final time for a title belt was moment I simply
couldn't miss. For that reason, I watched and enjoyed my first
Paddle Match, despite my hatred for the game. Long live Schaefer
Bowl.”
T-Love would control
the tempo in the early going, repeatedly hitting GAH!'s cups,
until T-Love only had half of his final cup left to drink
with GAH! still having both of his cups on the table. But
then, in typical GAH! style, one clutch shot that splashed
into T-Love's cup evened the match back up as the crowd sat
on the edge of their seats. GAH! would continue to rally,
hitting more cups, until both superstar's cups had approximately
the same amount of beer in them at about one-quarter cup full.
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One
final paddle beer pong showdown. |
T-Love, however,
would not be denied, as he was able to regain control of the
match at the very end, out hitting, and thus out drinking,
GAH! for a close victory, like so many of their matches of
yesteryear. T-Love would be the final newly crowned champion
inside WBPF Arena and for the final time within its walls,
the Paddle belt would be wrapped around the waist of the man
who had controversially started the Paddle division so long
ago.
“What an
incredible game,” T-Love said, “I started to get
nervous when Gah mounted his comeback, but something inside
of me knew that I just couldn't let him have this match. The
Paddle Championship needed to come back where it belonged,
in my possession.”
After the match
various WBPF Superstars gathered to cut down the table's net
a symbolic celebration of the success of the Paddle Division.
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T-Love
cuts down the net after winning the final paddle beer
pong match at WBPF Arena. |
“It was
awesome watching that net get cut down. Make of that statement
what you will.” stated Freezer.
Although it was
the end of paddle beer pong in WBPF Arena, it only signaled
the beginning of the night. As the hours past, the building
was alive with the sound of drinking, laughter, beer pong,
drink ball, and flip cup with every major WBPF superstar and
their closest friends.
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Fan
favorite Iceman was in attendance and is shown here
in action during a Four-Way Dance beer pong game. At
the far right is Freezer's shooting arm, trying to scumbag
its way to victory. |
And if that weren't
enough, Jesse “the body” Ventura was right there
the entire time, standing on the playing table as he is so
famous for.
“World Beer
Pong Federation will always hold a special place in my heart,”
said Ventura, “Also, check out my huge bicep.”
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Jesse
"The Body" flexing his muscles during the
final night. |
At the end of
the night one special final beer pong match was held. For
this match, the Summer Sloshed plywood surface that
had been used all night was removed off the table. In it's
place? The original closet door surface from 2005.
“When I
saw that closet door descend onto the WBPF Arena table, I
totally shot my load and I want everyone to know that!”
exclaimed Bacon.
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The
final match at WBPF Arena was played on the original
surface: A closet door. |
The match was
a classic, traditional 2-on-2 beer pong game with ten cups
per team. One team consisted of Bacon and Barry. However,
this was a moment that belonged to the other team, GAH! and
Freezer.
“We're the
original dynasty team,” explained GAH!, “For so
long, myself and Freezer have been the very best at what we
do and although we've had our differences in the past, no
one can deny that we make an amazing team when we join forces.
Playing one last match together was really the only respectful
way to close out WBPF Arena.”
Moments later,
GAH! and Freezer walked away victorious yet again, and just
like that, WBPF Arena was finished.
“Another
victory for Freezer, who's next?” taunted Freezer.
No one would be
next. It was truly the end. WBPF Arena is scheduled for demolition
sometime in early 2010 by its new ownership.
“There will
never be another WBPF Arena,” stated Nash. “God
bless this place.”
EPILOGUE:
Favorite Memories:
During the previous
week, we asked each WBPF Superstar to share their favorite
memory that took place inside WBPF Arena. Here's what they
said:
Barry
: Winning the Paddle Championship.
Jenn :
Becoming the first Female Sex Champion.
Laura
: Getting smoking banned from WBPF Arena. I'm very
persuasive like that.
Brittany
: Drinking and laughing with good friends.
Nash :
Punching holes in the walls without breaking my hand.
Bacon
: Watching Commando and playing the Commando drinking
game.
Fote :
Talking to people about Xbox and having them pretend to be
interested in what I say.
Maddie
: Eating my first cheesesteak pouch while sitting
in the bleachers.
Louchadore
: Dethroning the Iceman in Flip Cup.
Mr. Jeff
: Getting smoking reinstated at WBPF Arena.
Dr. Pepper
Ph.D. : Discovering a secret formula to making Dr.
Pepper more delicious (you add more pepper).
Fat Shit
: My long reigns as Tag Team and Flip Cup Champion.
Tank :
Tankensteining Fote into the ground.
T-Love
: Putting my attractive body on display to the adoring
public.
Iceman
: Winning Schaefer Bowl and beating Fat Shit at Flip
Cup because he's a slob.
Freezer
: Scumbagging victory after victory.
GAH! :
A two-hundred-way tie between all the times I got laid here.
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