1/28/2008- Is Beer Pong Ready for a Winter Classic?

There’s an old saying throughout the sporting world that any sport that wants to call itself elite should be able to be played outdoors in any kind of weather. With that in mind, we decided to take a look at the possibilities of holding a full-blown outdoor beer pong tournament during the dead of winter.

“I really like the idea a lot,” says the WBPF commissioner, “Beer pong is a game that was built around guys proving to each other who is the toughest. A beer pong tournament that takes place out in the elements is a perfect and logical extension of that mentality.”

Outdoor beer pong games, even ones in the cold, are nothing new. These days you can find them at almost any tailgating event across North America. However, there has never been any kind of high-stakes or high-prestige game to take place outside in frigid weather. Every major beer pong tournament or game in recorded history has always taken place either inside, or in a warm-weather environment. Some people would like to see this change.

“A major cold-weather outdoor game would be very interesting,” says Dr. Pepper Ph.D. “Players would have to factor in things such as wind resistance and the temperature. It could potentially change the entire dynamic of the game.”

However, not everyone supports the idea of an outdoor game. In fact, many conservative beer pong purists find the very idea to be an abomination.

“Outdoor beer pong is stupid and idiotic,” says WBPF superstar Freezer. “Beer pong was invented as a way to get drunk at parties INDOORS. There’s not supposed to be any exercise, athleticism, or fresh air involved. I think it’s bullshit that we even have to stand up to shoot. If I had it my way, we’d all be playing beer pong while sitting in recliners.”

Freezer’s comments not withstanding, playing any outdoor beer pong game is still much easier said than done. Many towns have laws against consuming alcohol outdoors, in addition to it generally being frowned upon by much of the general population.

“I’ve had it up to here with young hoodlums drinking outdoors, causing all kinds of commotion,” says Arthur Cornwald, a 72-year-old retired appliance salesman. “Those punks ought to be ashamed of themselves. If I see anyone playing that so-called alcohol pong near my property, I’ll dial 9-1-1 in a heartbeat.”

We tried to ask Mr. Corwald to clarify his position, but he was eager to get to his local bar, which was holding an all-night $1 per bottle special.

Still, other people feel that outdoor beer pong games should only take place in fair weather scenarios, preferably in the summer on a beach somewhere.

“Yeah, man, playin’ some pong on the beach with babes checkin’ us out. I’m down for that, man.” says Fote.

Tank disagrees.

“There’s certainly nothing wrong with beer pong out in the sun, but playing it in the dead of winter has a certain toughness to it that separates the men from the little boys. Holding a major outdoor beer pong tournament only in a warm weather environment would be a pussy’s way out, kind of like always having the Super Bowl in a southern stadium or dome.”

At this time, no major plans are in place for any kind of major outdoor beer pong game. For now, the entire concept remains just an idea floating around the beer pong world. Maybe one day, it will become a reality.

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