By Chester J. Bottomdale Ph.D
Professor of History
Smart British Person
Oxford University

The concept of Beer Pong, in its rawest form, was invented by Benjamin Franklin in 1765. According to legend, he came up with the idea while in London. His motivation was to find an amusing way to pass the time between his episodes of womanizing.

The original setup for the game involved six chalices set up in a triangular formation, filled halfway with wine. Players would throw buttons into each others chalices, resulting in a drink for every successful shot. He called his game “Beirut Pong”, for reasons lost to history. One month later, Franklin also invented the paddle version of Beirut Pong, which involved wooden paddles and a wooden ball.

Franklin later presented his game to the British Parliament in hopes of winning respect for the American Colonies. However, the parliament laughed at him and chastised his game, with the Prime Minister stating that the game was, “Clearly below proud English standards and suitable only for a filthy mongrel or Frenchman.”

Upon returning home to the American Colonies, he showed both versions of his game to the various diplomats and governors of the colonies where it was well received. It wasn't long before the games spread like wildfire throughout the colonies. It was during this time that the first major changes to the game took place as the average citizen at the time could only afford to use cheap beer and modest wooden cups. While Franklin agreed to these new universal standards, he himself would continue to play with wine, which many experts believe is what caused him to contract Gout later in life.

The success of the game led to increased importation of cups, beer, and buttons from England. Attempting to take advantage of the game's popularity, in January of 1776, British Parliament simultaneously passed the Beer Act, Cup Act, and Button Act, putting heavy taxes on all three items. This enraged the colonists and eventually pushed them over the edge. It was time for an American Revolution.

After the war, a major problem emerged. Major cultural differences had arose about what to officially call the sport. Northerners believed that the term "Beer Pong" should universally be used regardless of whether or not the game was being played with or without paddles. Southerners, on the other hand, felt that Beer Pong without paddles should go by the name "Beirut". Delegates at the Constitutional Convention became engaged in a furious debate over the topic. Eventually, the matter was settled with the infamous “Three-Fifths Compromise”, which stated that it was acceptable to use the term "Beirut", however, those who did it would be considered 3/5ths retarded in the eyes of the Federal Government. This is believed to be the origin of all the stereotypes about how Americans from the south are backward and dim-witted.

This was a problem that would not soon go away. During the westward expansion of the 19th Century, settlers from both the North and South rushed to colonize new U.S. territories in hopes of establishing them as either Beer Pong or Beirut states, respectively. This eventually led to the break out of the Civil War, with heavy losses sustained on both sides.

At the end of the Civil War, with the South on the brink of defeat, they took their redemption shot in the form of a bullet into Abraham Lincoln’s head. Unfortunately for the south, it failed to send the Civil War into overtime. Thus, the USA was fully restored and all present and future states were declared Beer Pong states forevermore.

By the end of the 19th century, Beer Pong had also caught on and become wildly popular among the royal families and ruling bodies of most of the European countries. With nationalism becoming increasingly prevalent into the beginning of the 20th century, Beer Pong games between leaders from opposing countries became increasingly sensationalized with national superiority and pride constantly at stake. War was clearly becoming inevitable. Finally, on June 28, 1914, with the assassination of Austria-Hungary heir and top Beer Pong protégé Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the Great War became a terrible reality.

At the end of World War I, a defeated Germany was forced to sign the Treaty of Versailles, which officially labeled them as the worst Beer Pong country on Earth. The resulting low morale of Germany was exploited by an ambitious Adolf Hitler when he promised the nation that Germans were the chosen race of Beer Pong players. Thus Hitler was able to rise to power and World War II soon broke out. It has also recently been documented that sometime during the spring of 1920, Adolf Hitler was shutout in a game of Beer Pong by a Jewish woman in front of his friends and family.

After World War II, the sport of Beer Pong was discontinued worldwide in order to prevent further bloodshed. Things remained this way until sometime during the late 1970s or early 1980s when the game began to reappear at various college campuses in the northeastern United States with the modern rules, plastic cups, and ping pong balls everyone is familiar with. Now into the 21st century, the game has exploded into a popular international phenomenon among teenagers and young adults. Some groups feel that this new wave of beer pong popularity will help fulfill the various doomsday prophecies made by Christians in the Book of Revelations and the Mayans for the year 2012.

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